Freshly Spilled Thoughts

When I was 8 my dad came home from work one day, clutching a tape in one hand, given to him by a friend at work. It was a game called Manic Miner.

He handed it to me and I loaded it up, not really knowing what to expect, but already filling the gaps in with my imagination. It’s hard to explain why, but the whole thing was mesmerising to me, to such an extent that Matthew Smith from Wallasey (the guy who made the game when he was 16 or something) is one of my heroes.

When he made the game, he used to do it a night when everyone was asleep, because the kettle boiling in the house used to trip the power out. Matthew didn’t go on to become a millionaire living the high life, but none of that matters, because he will always be remembered for this (well, for as long Generation X is kicking around anyway).

I know games are seen as pointless or ‘immature’ to many adults, but I was a kid that grew up with not a lot and all of this was a big deal to me. At their best I believe they can be works of art and fit into a place somewhere between dreams and reality (I’m not including shit like GTA in that statement). More than that though, for me it was part of my childhood.

Here it is re-imagined with an orchestral soundtrack, “In The Hall Of The Mountain King”.

Every other bio: ‘I love spontaneous adventures.’
Translation: They once chose a different takeaway pizza topping.

These are the same people that say redundant things like:

“I love nights out, but also nights in.”

Isn’t that just describing… being alive? 🙂

Raise your hands in the air, ’cause today…

From city to city and coast to coast, Friday night is the night they like to party the most 🙂

Before mobile phones and messenger apps existed, it was ‘fairly’ normal for people to turn up at your door unannounced/on spec. These days, though, social etiquette dictates that this is frowned upon, and if you do it more than once you’re definitely a stalker.

Unfortunately, some people didn’t get the memo.

The people in this convo shall remain nameless, of course. What made me laugh was that this person, who used to live in the same area, drove miles out of their way to pick up anti-freeze from a shop, just as an excuse to call around… half-expecting to be invited in for a cup of coffee or something (which didn’t happen).

Said person was then miffed at not being cordially invited in and zoomed off in his 4X4, staring straight ahead (this is the bit I found funny). Men may have gone into battle for king and country, but they can also be fragile souls when it comes to ego…

Ha ha… still laughing at the looking straight ahead and zooming off part.

One of my favourite 90’s films is a comedy with Vince Vaughn, called ‘Swingers’

I never watched this film for YEARS because I thought it was actually about Swingers (you know, the filthy ones). I once watched a Louis Theroux programme about Swingers parties. It was the opposite of ‘sexy’ – to the extent that it left an indelible ‘viewer’ mark upon my person. I don’t know why people would meet up to shag ‘en masse’ on old mattresses with strangers, there’s nothing romantic or alluring about that.

At least put a few rose petals down first or something.

Side Note: My mate once enticed his (now wife) with chocolates from the bathroom to the bed before proposing to her. I asked him, “You didn’t put any coffee flavoured ones down did you, because some people don’t like coffee?” (he was very WTF about my curveball question but Revels roulette, where you try to avoid the coffee ones, is actually a thing).

I find the notion of Swingers (like the ones in Benidorm) quite amusing, but in real life I’d rather have fish and chips than go down that rabbit hole of depravity.

Anyway, I told one of my friends I’d never seen this film. To my surprise, he said it was his favourite comedy of all time.

So I watched it and he was right,  it was awesome. Not a mattress swinger in sight… THANK GOD!

Swingers – Always double down on number 11 and remember, “You’re so money, and you don’t even know it“.

I have a bit more time for no-talent ass-clown graffiti artists if they blend in humour with an appreciation for future visitors. The other day I noticed this one (much better than Hue with his black spray can)…

Hue’s best graffiti was “Walk It Off :-)”, which I presume was aimed at the Sunday pub lunch brigade. I was tempted to write “& Cry” after his name as well. “Hue & Cry” (he wouldn’t know who that was, would he?)

When you cross the mental bridge to Terabithia, nothing can defeat you…

Nigel Planer from The Young Ones was on the radio the other day, talking about the time he was injured by a giant twenty-foot chocolate éclair, and about when he once answered an ad for a room while dressed as Che Guevara. His book sounded quite interesting.

I’ve never been injured by any type of cake, but I did once fall down the stairs in Jimmy Spice’s, when I obscured my vision by looking at the change I had jingling around in my pocket (such a rookie mistake).

I also once enthusiastically waved goodbye to someone and fell over a wall. After that happened, I made my farewells decidedly more static.

Before Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift shagged up the pop charts and turned music into a 4 letter word, there was a time when music was tongue in cheek, and it was all the better for it.

What would you rather have? Ed Sheeran boring everyone to death about meeting up with mates he doesn’t give a shit about, on the castle on the hill, when he used to get pissed on Hooch and Lambrini sprawled over a car bonnet… or Positive K with “I Got A Man”

How long you had that problem. What’s your man got to do with me.

I’m not trying to hear that, see.

It was all a bit of fun wasn’t it.

When the greeks make a phone booth, they don’t order it from IKEA…

I sometimes see a bloke who gets very angry with bins that are in his way when he’s walking. Instead of walking around the bin, he stops, gets angry, then pushes it out of the way so he can continue in a straight line. He also walks very fast, almost in a military style, and I sort of think he’s wonderful.

I never thought I’d enjoy watching someone so angry. It’s a source of great delight when I can see that, ahead of him, there’s a bin that will need to be moved.

The only thing missing is the popcorn.

This is for anyone that doesn’t realise how amazing they are 🤩

Do you ever watch Kung Fu? ☯🥷

#OfficeSpace 🏢

I made an amazing Thai Green Curry tonight, even if I do say so myself.

It was so good I forgot to take a photo, so sadly there is no evidence of this accomplishment.

The curry may be gone, but the memories will live on.

I was walking past a bridge and saw this.

Fans of the show will get it…

I have set up notes so readers can reply privately/give feedback/flirt/hurl abuse/rant/tell me jokes/you get the picture (the spam b-o-t-s are a headache ya see). I’ve throttled it with a limit per hour so we’ll see how that goes.

For now we have Private Replies and my work here is done 🙂 Hurrah! Leaving all this as it is now and will just post.

Would love to know what people think. It took me longer than half an hour and less than a day, but love don’t pay the rent.

Things you never overhear in lifts or bus queues:

Thing #1: Black pants or red ones today… or did you go commando? Bit cold for that though, right. How cold has it been today! Frrrreezzzinnggg.

Finally testing Video now – Out running with Kate Bush…

In real life I walk around in black and white as well…

Feel free to colour yourself in… if you’re into that sort of thing.

TFI Friday. No work until next week. *Crowd Roars*

I love Milton:

“The people to cake ratio is too big”

“I believe you have my stapler”

What else could I add to this page to knock your socks off? Answers on a postcard (via the contact page).