Freshly Spilled Thoughts

Tyson Fury was talking about Billy Ocean earlier.

‘Suddenly’ is my favourite song by him:

Suddenly life has new meaning to me
There’s beauty up above and things we never take notice of
You wake up and suddenly you’re in love

Genius lyrics!

Prince is sort of underrated as well with songs like Little Red Corvette, Delirious, 1999, Raspberry Beret and When Doves Cry.

I was dreamin’ when I wrote this
So sue me if I go too fast
But life is just a party
And parties weren’t meant to last

And as the great Bill Hicks once said, “It’s just a ride.”

We can change it anytime we want…

Julian Rignall had this hot hatch back in the ’90s.

It’s something I have in common with him because so did I.

I think it is a thing of beauty. Cars are all about aesthetics for me and they had that back then.

In 1995 I bought a Peugeot 205 GTI 1.6 and fell in love.

In 2009 I bought a Miami Blue one, which still wasn’t as good as the one I originally had but it looked good.

It also accidentally ended up on an episode of the Hairy Bikers (they turned up to do an episode at a house where my car was parked).

TFI Friday.

The weeks roll by so fast don’t they.

One minute it’s Monday and you’re listening to Bob Geldof.

Then Wednesday comes along and you’re stuck on that island, far away from either side of the weekend.

Next thing you know, it’s Friday and the world’s your lobster.

Rinse. Repeat.

I think they have gone too far with IACGMOOH (I’m A Celeb).

Craig Charles had to eat 10 dicks in the eating trial head-to-head the other day.

I have no idea what it actually was. Probably buffalo penis or something equally horrendous.

Nobody over 40 should have to eat 10 dicks, it’s just wrong.

I think the maximum number should be 2.

I don’t know why I chose two there really. It just seemed more manageable.

Imagine being remembered as the person that ate 10 dicks.

I know Debbie from Debbie Does Dallas probably doesn’t mind, but most people would.

Surviving it is something. What would the TV company do if you keeled over after eating that many rhino penises?

It wasn’t so bad when it was nice and crunchy things like green ants on toast.

Got to get all that back out of my head now. Happy Friday.

Have you ever noticed that a music artists first or second album is often their best one.

It’s often the same with authors.

Only Forward was the best one by Michael Marshall Smith (in my opinion).

Maverick A Strike was the best album by Finley Quaye.

I think it’s because they have more time without the pressures of the publisher/record label.

When you write your first book or make your first album, it may be raw, but it’s done for all the right reasons at your own leisure.

Once money is involved, you either have to turn into Ed Sheeran pretending to give a shit about the time they drank alcohol on the bonnet of the car with your mates by the castle on the hill, or you refuse to compromise your artistic integrity and end up at number 82 in the charts with your next album.

Ed: “I’ve just done a song about all my old mates when we used to get pissed by that castle.”
Other Person: “Oh. What great times they were. When you were skint and carefree.”
Ed: “I know. I’d trade in my fame and fortune for just one more day with those pissheads, drinking WKD and walking home sideways”
Other Person: “We don’t appreciate it at the time. Now look at you. Stuck in your ivory tower with servants and room service”
Ed: “I know. Aint life the bitch.”
Ed: “I might do the next song about the time I helped a beggar out by buying him a pot noodle just before heavy snowfall around Christmas time. We could put carol singers in the video.”
Other Person: “So touching. This is why the public love you. Well, that and their general poor taste in music” 🙂 

I’ve got some stories to tell. Stay a while and I’ll share them with you…

I watched a strange film the other day.

It was called PROTEIN.

All about this army guy with PTSD who ended up being a homeless loner on civvy street.

He joined the local gym but he was practically skint, so the woman running the place offered him part time work there.

She liked him enough to invite him over to her house and cook him fish fingers and chips. A culinary staple if ever there was one.

He hardly said anything back to her. Rather than it putting her off she just said, “You’re not like most other blokes are ya?”

One of the gym members gave her a hard time so he went to his house, killed him, chopped him up and ate him.

Who said chivalry was dead 🙂

It was interesting that he combined justice outside of the law with his daily caloric intake requirements.

When someone is a bully you don’t mind seeing them ultimately end up in a frying pan, that’s what I say.

I think this really helped with his training anyway.

The characters in the film weren’t fully fleshed out. He mainly ate the bad guys, so you can’t hold that against him.

It was comical in parts, so I’m awarding it 6 Drinking Horns out of 10.

Did Tony ever make it out of that diner? We’ll never know…

I totally agree with JLC on the Minder theme tune. It’s the only one I ever sing to myself whilst walking around a supermarket.

Johnny Vegas is the only internet celebrity I’ve seen admit to using early 2000’s chatrooms.

The Chatroom in question he was in was called “Beauties Castle” (LOL)

A lot of the people in this virtual castle spoke in olde medieval English, despite a percentage of them living in the USA.

His username in the chatroom was ‘unabashed’ and he used to go into this castle, mainly to chat women up.

He even flew to the USA to meet one of them.

He must have got quite addicted to this chatroom because he used to arrange to meet women he was chatting to, in the castle turret.

They had a pub in the castle which he walked in and declared himself the new landlord of and took it upon himself to introduce several guest ales.

The power went to his head and the people frequenting the chatroom took exception to him suggesting a hot tub was not appropriate for a castle setting, so they kicked him out of the chatroom permanently.

Unabashed was no longer welcome in Beauties Castle. Vegas talks about being mentally scarred by this mass rejection from the castle he once called his virtual home (lol).

#badtimes

I found that Finley Quaye song. The one where the people danced at the traffic lights late one night.

Supreme I Preme.

First time I heard this song I didn’t really like it. It’s a bit like mould… it grows on you.

But the night those people danced across the road at those traffic lights is a moment I will never forget…

Got a window? Open it…

Anthony Hopkins hasn’t had an alcoholic drink for 49 years.

49 YEARS.

That’s a long time to commit to sobriety.

I have mixed feelings about alcohol. On the good side, some of the best laughs and times in my life have involved the consumption of it, so any form of regret is pointless.

I have a long lasting love affair with red wine…

It’s hard to turn down Don David or a glass of Primitivio.

I think all that stuff was created by some sort of demi-god.

The same one that created things like lust and adrenaline.

On the bad side, I’ve seen lives destroyed, I lost a friend to it (his liver packed up) and there are people I’m related to that have serious issues with it.

It also doesn’t suit some people.

Alcohol can make one person wretched and another one fun to be around.

My one grandfather was an alcoholic of goliath proportions.

So is it a good thing or a bad thing?

It depends on the user. Like any drug, the master starts out thinking that it’s the slave.

That is until the slave becomes the master.

This is what happened to Felix Dennis. A man who built up a NASDAQ listed company in two years whilst being off his tits on cocaine.

You can get a lot done when you don’t need sleep.

Speaking of problems, to my knowledge alcohol never solved any of those either.

Socially, I still think it’s a good thing and I currently have no intention of quitting it altogether.

It’s a counter-intuitive thing to be indulging in regularly if you’re exercising or trying to eat a healthy diet/trying to lose weight.

As fun as it is, there’s no real sense in running 5km and then recovering on  half a bottle of wine.

Anyone that drinks a bottle or more is well on their way to being a HOBO.

So I’ve committed to completely quitting alcohol for at least 3 months… with ONE exception.

I’m still going to drink socially if I’m in the mood. Other than that I’m off the booze.

The body starts doing what it’s supposed to do when you aren’t putting it on high alert with alcohol on a regular basis.

Discipline. It sounds boring, but everything good and worth having in the long run comes from it.

So I’m 90% committed with a get out of jail card when I want to indulge without it turning into a habit.

I used to think non-drinkers were boring.

The Oliver Reed part of me still does.

But I never needed alcohol until I was 17, which was something I was thinking about the other day.

If I didn’t need it for 17 years, why is it a thing now.

And I know the answer.

It’s because as adults we open Pandora’s Box when we purse our lips and invite such things.

Once you open the lid and you know what’s inside, it’s hard to forget what you’ve been exposed to.

You can’t unsee it so the rest is just down to how much willpower you have to lead a balanced life.

So that’s my thoughts on the demon drink there 🙂

Have a great rest of your day.

Just enough time to get a quick one in…

Well we went to the moon, but we didn’t land.

Isn’t that a bit like driving 100 miles to visit a friend, then standing outside the door without ringing the doorbell and driving back home again?

It is to me 🙂

*phone rings*

*picks up receiver*

“Hello. Did you just drive 100 miles over here without calling?”

“Yes. How did you know?”

“I saw you on the CCTV. You did a handstand on my driveway?”

“I know. I do amuse myself.”

“Ha ha. Okkkayyyy….how come you visited without ringing the doorbell?”

“Oh. It was just a test visit. I’ll ring next time.” 

“Riigghhhttttt?”

“The good news is the journey went well so I can ring your doorbell with confidence when I’m next over this way.”

“When are you next over this way?”

“Ooh. That’s a good question. Probably in about 50 years time… give or take half a decade.”

“Fab. I’ll look forward to that then. I’ll see you when I’m older than Clint Eastwood is now.”

“You’ve got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky punk. Well, do ya, punk?”

“In the name of almighty Jesus, what are you banging on about?”

“Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry! Sorry, I thought you were a fan.”

“Never watched it.”

“Every gun makes it’s own tune.”

“?”

“The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!!”

“See you in about 50 years then”

“Yep. You can count on it.”

*call ends*

How far is the moon again? Something like 260,000 miles away?

Further than Tesco’s then.

We got to within 4000 miles of it and fucked off back home (lol).

Pardon the French. Excusez-moi.

The people at NASA seem very happy don’t they. They sit around chatting and smiling like Cambridge graduates.

I bet their sponge cake tastes great in the canteen.

“So what is it you do?”

“We look at planets and eat sponge cake.”

“Wow. That sounds awesome.”

“It is. You just need an IQ of 153 to join us.”

“An IQ of 153 to look at planets and eat cake? Mr. Kipling must be a f*cking genius”.

“He is exceeedingly good.”

Prologue for the post that never was…

I did 5 hours of exercise in 3 days. It’s a bit much, although I already knew it was.

The sliding hack squats on day 3 did me up like a kipper. No wonder it was free.

I knew after that I’d need to take 2 days off…. which extended into 3.

Stimulate, don’t annihilate. Repeat the mantra.

Now Day 4 and it’s time to go again.

One can never rest on one’s laurels.

It’s a shame we have to recover really. I would love to train every day but I exert myself too much to do that.

On the plus side, today is one that includes Zesty Lemon water.

Here’s a pearl of wisdom from The Middle Ages you could apply to news and social media today.

“When you see a rotten grape, just ignore it and pick another”.

So simple. The power of choice and where you invest your energy.

I once had a job that bored me so much I used to put blu-tac where the time was on my monitor, just so I didn’t keep looking at the clock.

That’s not a joke.

The only way I knew when it was 5pm was when everyone started getting up out of their chairs and rushing to stampede out of the office.

When you’re in a flow state the hours just whizz by like they never even existed.

It’s like that with anything where you’re keeping plates spinning… as long as you can maintain the spin (so to speak)

I never used to understand people that could stay at work all day filled with boredom and then do overtime as well.

Now I get it… they weren’t bored. It was just me.

LOL.

I sometimes fantasise about living somewhere else with a lemon tree. The lemon part is very important, at least to me.

But would I just get bored of the lemons. Would I start wishing they were satsumas instead or some other type of produce.

I don’t think so, but there’s no way to be sure is there.

I do think a lemon tree is going to introduce itself to me at some point in my life though.

Maybe at a party or a housewarming.

Without the lemon tree I would definitely not be so enthusiastic, but I’d settle for an Olive grove.

The only thing that would top all that is a Vineyard. Imagine!

I’m going to stop there because I have drifted into setting up my own brand of wine instead of relaxing under a lemon tree. Goodday!