Freshly Spilled Thoughts - Freshly Spilled Ink

Oct 11, 11:55

I think I’ve bought every Stephen King Short story collection since the very first one I picked up in early 2003.

It was called ‘Everything’s Eventual’. At the time I remember liking the story, “Lunch At The Gotham Cafe”. I was in love with a girl I was seeing at the time, and she liked Stephen King as well, so I bought her this book. I thought she may have been ‘the one’ but, as is so often the case, life did not work out that way despite my efforts. The story she liked was, “The Man in the Black Suit”.

Anyway, it’s a bit worse for wear now but I’ve still got the collection…

Everything's Eventual

King and Michael Marshall Smith are probably my favourite short story writers.

I remember reading another short story collection that year by a writer called Matthew Klam.

It was called Sam the Cat, although it had nothing to do with pet cats. A woman at work asked me what book I was reading one day and I showed her the front cover…

She stared at it for a second as she took in the picture of the cat on the front cover with the attention span of a goldfish, before turning her attention back to whatever it was she was doing, prior to rudely interrupting me.

Judging by her disinterested expression, I’m sure she thought I was reading a book about cats or some kind of children’s book. She probably pigeon-holed me as some simpleton that sits there reading stories that teach me the alphabet.

I briefly contemplated explaining what the book was about, but she was a bit of an empty-vessel-type so I stopped myself. You know, the sort that would get confused if orange juice said “concentrate” on the carton.

“How long before I can stop staring at this stupid carton?”

Maybe she was hoping to borrow ’50 Shades of Smut’ off me when I’d finished it, and was left altogether deflated by my innocent looking cat-read (lol).

Still makes me laugh that she thought I’d brought a book into work to read about pets.

“Yeah, Michelle… it’s a book about cats, doncha know. Sheesh”

“Dean was reading a book about a cat called Sam, earlier. He’ll be reading Andy Pandy next.”

Oct 11, 11:34

I went through a phase of watching comedy for an hour first thing every day before I did anything else. Let me tell you something, it was absolutely brilliant and I’d recommend it to anyone if they have time.

Usually I’d watch:

Frasier (never used to like this at all but I’ve turned into Clive James as TV has dumbed down)
The World According to Jim
Everybody Loves Raymond

Depending on what was on. They just happened to be on at that time when I got up.

Anyone who gets up in the morning watching news should do this instead. You aren’t wasting an hour, you’re investing in comedy.

How to Massively Increase Your Happiness

1) Never watch the news unless it’s about a murder (everyone loves a good murder)
2) Swap news for comedy (spotting the pattern yet?)
3) Eat a banana (it’s nature’s answer to Prozac)
4) Decide you’re never going to become jaded, bitter or cynical. Kids don’t look at the world the way jaded adults do.
5) Do exercise even if it’s just walking. Your body is connected to your mind.
6) Cut the deadwood out of your life (cull fair weather friends and energy vampires)
7) Find someone that you don’t have to change who you are for. Don’t try to change them either.
8) Get out into nature. Feed the birds or something. Look at green things (apart from The Hulk)
9) Never lose your sense of wonder. Magic does exist, it’s already inside of YOU.
10) Bottom line people’s actions. It’s what people do that counts, not what they say.

Bonus: Cross The Bridge to Terabithia

Have a great rest of your day.

Oct 10, 18:36

I’ve been hearing some crazy dating stories lately, the kind that make you question whether anyone actually meets naturally anymore.

I’d like to think people still met in a fruit and veg aisle or even a pub, but it seems that most people I talk to are lost in a world of apps, swiping right and left in between meals without ruining their appetite.

During one phase where I was single I went on one of the swipe-fast, swipe-often apps and recognised quite a few of the people on them in real life, including the woman on the front desk at my old gym. It was really quite surreal seeing these people on a dating app in a different context.

Eventually I got bored and just swiped right until I ran out of credits. I even matched my mates ex girlfriend which she obviously told him about on Facebook, because next time I went out with him he asked me about it. I didn’t even know I’d matched her until her photo flashed up on the app. You have to laugh.

It all seems a bit vacuous to me because you don’t know anything about them other than whether you find them vaguely attractive in a photo (unless you know them already of course LOL). A photo that could be 10 years old or something.

A friend of mine once met a guy from an app at a train station. He looked nothing like his photo, and when they went for breakfast, he didn’t even have the money to pay (yes, she bought him breakfast). She nicknamed him ‘Breakfast’ after that and dropped him like a bad habit.

I happen to think that eye contact remains undefeated and connections happen when you least expect them.

One thing is for sure, life is more interesting when you’re not looking too hard for what’s next. It’s a motto to live by.

Oct 10, 18:09

Sightseers is a very dark comedy film about a caravan holiday.

Couple of quotes from it that made me laugh:

Tina: You all right?
Carol: I was just thinking about Poppy. She was me only friend.
Tina: Oh, Mum. I’m your friend.
Carol: You’re not a friend. You’re just a relative.

And this one:

“Chris: He’s not a person, he’s a Daily Mail reader!“

In other news, it’s (TGI) Friday…

Oct 9, 21:14

Just for fun and my last post about Bonnie Parker…

From Dust to Asphalt

We once left trails of dirt and flame,
Now it’s tyre tracks that spell my name.
The world’s gone slick, but I still spar
With fate, with cops, with who we are.

Oct 9, 19:37

I had a go on a VR headset not long ago. One thing nobody tells you when you’re using these things is how dizzy they make you until you get used to them. Anyway, this is what I did:

* Went Around A Space Station and Had A Look Out At The Universe
* Had A Quick Trip On A Boat With A Fisherman
* Spent Some Time Underwater Looking At Tropical Fish
* Walked Around A Local Market In Cairo (it’s local if you happen to live in Egypt)
* Indulged Myself In A 3D World Holding A Pair Of Guns (Nearest I Get To Being Clint Eastwood)

This picture is 100% real apart from the train next to me:

Oct 9, 18:25

I never wrote this, but what this person is saying is 100% true, none more so than on social media which is just full of angry ranters and people disgruntled over the tiniest things.

These people have, at their disposal, one of the most powerful things ever invented (the Internet) and they go on there moaning about (really boring) things like Politics.

Things that will never change their life in any way, shape or form… and they’re spending their time moaning about it while the elite are laughing their tits off at what the hoi polloi are up to on the daily.

Creativity is a needle-mover and it makes you happy(ier). Some of the most awesome people I know are creators and if I was in a room I’d rather be in one full of them.

Oct 9, 14:17

I just opened a fortune cookie and the note inside it read:

“HAPPINESS WILL BE YOURS NEXT WEEKEND” (yes, it did say this in caps)

Ooh, that sounds interesting. I wonder how that works… does it hit you in the face with happiness first thing Saturday morning or is it a build-up that leads to a happiness crescendo on Sunday evening?

All that aside, it’s what I like about fortune cookies. There’s never a bad one.

Imagine opening one and reading:

“AVOID WALKING UNDER BRANCHES WITH PIGEONS SITTING ON THEM THIS THURSDAY”

Or…

“YOU ARE LIKELY TO GET COVERED IN PAINT ON WEDNESDAY AND RUIN YOUR FAVOURITE TOP”

Oct 9, 09:53

I had a weird dream last night, where I briefly went into bungling crime. With no prior explanation, I was immediately in what must have been a bank vault with some other bloke I had no prior recollection of, who was as amateur as they come. I have no idea how or why I ended up in there.

All of a sudden, he stuffs his pockets with wads of illegitimate cash and I’m standing there thinking, “WTF, I need to get out of here and I’m inexplicably with this dufus“. He signals me to take the rest of the cash remaining. By this stage, there don’t seem to be many other options, so I pick up what’s left in the bag and we go.

Adrenaline surges through me.

This isn’t how I would have done things. Not even close.

We made our way out of the vault and there are cops already waiting. At this point, my unplanned associate pulls a gun and they reluctantly back off. We get out of there and into the daylight by the skin of our teeth. I know it’s just a matter of time before they catch us, and all I want to do is give the cash back and be free.

F*ck the proceeds of crime. Freedom wins.

I must have had this dream because I was talking about Bonnie and Clyde yesterday, so let’s finish up with a few more words of imagined wisdom from Bonnie in the afterlife.

I’ll leave the rat-a-tat-tatting to her….

Elegy with a Trigger Finger

They say love kills,
but they don’t say how sweet the aim feels
when it’s shared.
We were poetry in crossfire,
a headline in waiting,
a kiss with a timer.

Now I watch the world survive itself,
each soul robbing time in slow motion.
Me? I still keep one hand on the wheel,
one eye on the past
because the getaway never ends.

Oct 8, 15:12

This old Miami Bass video from the early 90’s called “One Leg Up” by Half Pint is pure filth (for want of a better expression).

It used to be on The Box, back in the day, before YouTube and the internet were a thing and I distinctly remember it being on a lot…

LOL it’s so bad it’s almost good, although I don’t think I will be listening to it in public.

“Dean, what you listening to?”
“Erm… One Leg Up by Half Pint”
“I’ve never heard of that. Was he trying to cut down on alcohol?”
“Not exactly. There was this thing in the early 90’s called Miami Bass where people shook their asses a lot”
“Yeah?”
“It was a 90’s thing”

Whatever you think about this track, one thing for sure it the energy in it is absolutely insane. Nobody needs caffeine while this thing is playing. Apparently the main guy was drafted in because people went crazy whenever he was around.

Imagine him as a warm up guy for gameshows. Oh dear, we don’t need the studio audience doing this sort of thing do we.

I always wonder how they cast people in these kinds of videos. It probably went something like this:

“We’ve got a video thing we’re doing for a track, where we just need you to shake your ass and put one leg up. Interested?”

There’s people that actually said “Yes” to that. Beats stacking shelves in Asda I guess.

“I was going to work for NASA and become an astronaut but the Miami Bass scene came along during studies and I got distracted.”

The day will come when people will proudly announce: “I can still do one leg up at my age and I don’t need a tri-walker.”

That’s a victory of sorts isn’t it. Right, that’s enough lewdness for one day!

Oct 8, 07:03

If Bonnie hadn’t met Clyde, we’d probably never have ever seen a printed poem written by her.

Yet Bonnie Parker was the talented one, with her gift for poetry.

Sort of tragic isn’t it really; Bonnie being the moll with a knack for the written word.

Fame and notoriety gives you the platform for the talent. Talent speaks for itself.

What would Bonnie say today if she was speaking from the afterlife to the modern world as it is now?

Maybe something along these lines:

The Digital Outlaw

The headlines forgot my name,
But hearts still play the same game.
New masks, same ache,
New screens, same fake,
And fire still answers to flame.

Oct 8, 05:41

I’m up so early this morning that the birds aren’t even twittering yet 🐦🐦‍⬛🦜.

I love this time of day – you can just sink into your thoughts for a bit before the world wakes up and prods you in the ribcage.

As SNESDrunk once said, “You have a great rest of your day.”

Which at the time of writing is pretty much all of it…

… some say it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

I liked this one as well…

Oct 7, 15:33

An actual photograph of a Banksy artwork in real life + a few silly additions from moi…

Oct 6, 21:00

I really miss the days of rap that told a story.

None of this coffee shop shit by the likes of Stormzy.

Gang Starr were legends in their own lunchtime. I never knew about him (Guru – one half of the duo) when he was alive, but this one’s a banger:

It’s called Lovesick…

Oct 6, 19:40

I was touched today by someone at my old gym unexpectedly leaving a nice comment
on the book of faces.

I have blurred out some of the details for privacy reasons…

It might seem weird, but I do clap without realising to motivate myself to the next set.

In the gym I am in war mode.

Oct 6, 11:14

Strictly Come Dancing is such a fake show. It’s full of people pretending to be so happy they are dancing, they’d have you believing that when they leave the dancefloor, an official from Camelot hands them a check for £10 Million. After that they get whisked off to a tropical island to sip Pina Colada for the rest of their days.

It’s not the dancing I have a problem with, it’s the people falsely smiling continuously like fully paid up members of the Stepford Wives. I don’t know what the male version of that is, but they’re the same as well.

Not even a smurf on crack looks as happy as they do.

I can just imagine the floor managers/producers telling all contestants and paid up members of the fan club to “Smile your tits off as soon as they say we’re on air. The viewing public are depressed and we need to make them believe there are happy people in the world that don’t shovel an ungodly amount of Prozac down their necks in between meals”.

I think it’s actually some kind of cult. If there’s such a thing as a learning to dance cult, that is surely it.

Fake as f*ck. I know the Queen wouldn’t have put it that way, but I just did. Fake happiness is the worst kind. I’d rather watch an interview with Lou Reed telling journalists they are the lowest form of life. At least he meant it.

Honesty and authenticity is in short supply these days, dear reader. Everyone is pimping their wares for a dollar.

Oct 6, 06:08

Goooooooood morning Vietnam! It’s 0600 hours. What does the “O” stand for? O my God, it’s early! Speaking of early, let’s hear it for that Marty Lee Drywitz. Silky smooth sounds, making me sound like Peggy Lee…