Before I forget, I did a thing. I added a feature on my site so readers can leave me a note instead of logging into their email.
These things are always fiddly and it sort of works like a poor mans version of AOL/MSN Messenger, except I’m not always online.
Anyhoo, this is where it resides:
I’ll probably set it up so audio messages can be sent as well.
Back to today’s post…
Yesterday I witnessed an attempted robbery in broad daylight. At the time I was minding my own business, running away on a treadmill facing the window, pretending I was Rocky. All of a sudden a group of men (4 in total) wearing balaclavas appeared out of nowhere and started circling around a very nice motorcycle.
I’m not an expert on motorbikes, but it reminded me of a grand tourer model you’d do Route 66 in. It was the kind of bike that would attract a magpie that liked Royal Blue, polished to perfection.
One of them jumped onto the motorcycle at the speed of a whippet on amphetamines and proceeded to do whatever it is they do these days to steal such a prestigious motorcycle. He seemed to gyrate his hips forward a lot, which must have been a rudimentary attempt to jump start it. I was waiting for him to pull out a magic wand, but that never happened.
I imagined the owner of this motorcycle, popping into the supermarket for bread and coming out of the supermarket to find his pride and joy replaced by an empty parking space. There are few feelings worse than having blood, sweat and tears replaced by fresh air.
My blood began to boil.
I considered tapping on the window to let them know I’d clocked them, but it wouldn’t have made any difference so I interrupted a member of staff who was merrily cleaning a treadmill.
“There’s an attempted robbery in progress right under our noses. Right now“.
I pointed in the direction of the incident as I summoned a motley crew to do my bidding.
They looked out of the window, just like I did. After some deliberation she said, “I’ll tell the manager“. I was hoping for bolder action than this, but we now have a watered down society where people avoid trouble until it vacates the area.
It’s the same reason that doughnuts sell so well. Who wants to fight crime when the alternative is sitting there enjoying a custard doughnut, discussing the latest series on Netflix.
Side Note: I looked up “Another doughnut” in the gif library and got this which I wasn’t expecting. Still, it features a motorbike so it’s still rather apt and the woman is hot so I’ve left it up there (so to speak)…
Thankfully they failed to steal this beautiful machine and I continued with my run.
I said, “They could come back for all we know and they’re probably tooled up so I’m not going out there to get my face hacked off when I’m in here trying to get fitter. It would kind of defeat the object”
They agreed with my logic. I don’t know what happened next because I had stuff to do, but where are the A Team when you need them.
You should be able to call a number when things like this are happening and have someone that looks like Batman arrive on the scene. Nobody is going to mess anymore. Even a gimp would do the trick.
If you shouted over to them, “I’ve just let the gimp out and he’s going to be with you any second”, I think they’d soon scarper.
An idle mind is the devils playground and that’s the problem now. It’s full of adolescents and men in their 20’s wearing balaclavas on stolen motorcycles with nothing better to do than steal more shit, no matter the time of day.
The crazy thing is they are doing all this just to pay for trainers and track suits so they can look like clones of each other :).
I’ve hired The Dominator from 1991 to sort things out next time (thanks for reading)…