Readers of this blog will already know that one of my all-time favourite actors is John Candy. He was one of those rare comic actors who could make you laugh one minute and quietly move you the next. His humanity always shone through. Robin Williams had that same quality, but this isn’t the post where I’m going to wax lyrical about Dead Poets Society.
In Planes, Trains & Automobiles there’s a scene where Candy says…
It resonates with me for a couple of reasons.
First, it’s one of the finest pieces of dialogue ever put into a comedy film. It shows vulnerability and a quiet acceptance that not everyone will like him and that he understands why that might be. He’s aware of his flaws, just like we all are, but he also knows WHO he is. Where it matters, he refuses to let life harden him or strip him of his feelings. Even when he’s emotionally on his last legs, he still stands for something and recognises his own worth. This is someone that can look in the mirror and feel at peace with the man looking back.
Secondly, when I reflect on my own life, a lot of that sentiment resonates with me too.
I was fortunate to grow up with strong values. My grandfather, in particular, was a salt-of-the-earth gent who served in the war and he was my ultimate role model. He passed away suddenly from a heart attack in 1991, but not a day goes by when I don’t think of him. I looked up to him then just as I do to this day, and will continue to do so until I’ve ripped off this mortal coil.
I’ve always tried to be a good friend to others and acted without hidden agendas, both in friendships and in relationships. My intentions have genuinely been to do right by people and to add something positive where I could. In essence I’ve always been a ‘stand up guy’ to those that meant something to me (bada boom, bada bing).
I also hold doors open for others and that kind of malarkey.
When I was younger, I assumed others approached life in much the same way. At the time, I had no reason to think otherwise.
My first real experience of loss in friendship came early on, when a childhood friend drifted away during our teenage years. We’d been close for a long time, and the sudden distance was confusing and painful at the time. As we grew older, we became very different people, which made it easier for me at least.
I’ve come to believe that much of life is ultimately about love. You don’t simply switch off care for people who mattered deeply to you. Those feelings don’t vanish. The shared moments remain part of who you are and who you’ve become.
Relationships are the ultimate in bearing your soul, being vulnerable and trusting in outcomes you don’t control. Any relationship is a leap of faith and once you love someone, you’re all in. If that works out and it’s not unrequited, it’s a beautiful thing you can believe in. There is probably no greater achievement than true love between two people and it’s never something that should be taken for granted.
As for me, I’m not changing, because I’m the genuine article. What you see is what you get, just like my old mate John Candy 🙂
Thanks for reading. I’m playing this one out with U Sure Do by Strike…