Let’s get one thing out of the way before we begin, I absolutely hate going to the dentists. The other thing is, whenever I go, it always reminds me of the cartoon Bob & Margaret, because Bob is a wayward dentist in it.
If I had my way I’d never go, but I accept it’s a human ritual that you have to attend such appointments if you don’t want to become an expert at impromptu gurning.
I think teeth are overly high maintenance for what they are and God made an error when he bestowed them upon us.
With all that said, I still attended the latest checkup because I have a dentist who is an amazing woman who actually seems like she cares. That’s why I keep going back to her.
The appointment was at 2:30 and that’s no joke. Well, actually it is a joke about appointments with Chinese dentists (tooth hurty) but this time the joke was on me.
Usually I get away with a routine checkup and polish, then I skidaddle back out of there for another 6-12 months.
I thought this time would be no different and it was definitely going that way until she checked the X-Ray.
“Dean, your back tooth filling needs re-drilling back out there’s an issue there and if we don’t do it your nerve will get destroyed and you’ll lose your tooth.”
Dentists don’t mince their words do they? I did the ‘ole ‘how long have I got’ bartering trick and I worked out I had about a month before it could become more of a problem”. “I’ll come back in 2 weeks,” I said.
2 weeks roll by faster than a fast thing in Winter and I was back there again…
“Hello Dean.”
“Hi. I’m back for round 2“, I replied.
She chuckled to herself. I got into the chair of dental fate and lay down, wearing Joe 90 glasses they always give you to wear.
“Can you move up a bit Dean? You’re a bit too low!”
I moved up, then she said, “You’re a bit too high now, can you go back a bit lower?”
“This is like goldilocks and the 3 bears“, I said. “I hope my porridge tastes just right after this, that’s all I can say.”
For some reason that made all 3 of us (dental assistant included) all piss ourselves momentarily before the atmosphere went serious again.
“Are you having the clean done today as well, Dean?”, she asked.
“Yes. Why not, let’s do the whole kit and kaboodle while we’re at it.” (I was artificially confident)
Now the clean I’m talking about was no ordinary clean. It was a high pressure thing where powder goes everywhere and I wouldn’t say it was painful as such, but it’s not a walk in the park either. Well, it wasn’t for me.
I rinsed my mouth out twice and already felt like I’d done one round of the fight. This stuff must really get into the gums as the thing swirled around with bits of red in like a scene out of Jaws.
When she was done she said, “Oh my god Dean, this has worked great. You will love it.”
She made it sound exciting. It occurred to me that when someone suggests you will love something, you sort of actually do without even knowing what it is or why.
So that was the ‘clean box ticked’. Onto the filling…
She gave me two massive injections that seemed to take longer than what I recalled the last time I had a filling.
Not long after that the drilling commenced. Once you no longer have any feeling they could be doing anything couldn’t they. I always imagine them extracting a load of teeth and saying, “Shit we got that wrong. Sorry.”
None of that happened of course. Towards the end she said, “Dean this is a MASSIVE filling.”
The way she said it made it sound even bigger than it was. It must have been HYOOGE.
The dental assistant mopped my brow as the anaesthetic kicked into high gear.
“You’re sweating,” she said, dabbing away at my forehead.
“I know. I know. You should see me in the gym. I’m an eskimo by trade.”
Afterwards she hardened it all off with a blue light and that took a while as well. I ended up watching the light in some kind of hypnotic trance. At one point in there I had an idea for something which I’m sure isn’t a normal thing to do while you’re in agony.
“Yes, I am in agony but it has sparked the creative process within.” LOL
Just over an hour later in total it was all over for another 6 months. I had a chat with the receptionist about our irrational fear of doctors and she told me she was dreading her next appointment on December 1st.
I said I will pop in during December just to make sure you’re still with us. We laughed.
The bit I was dreading was the nerve pain afterwards as last time I had it done, my tooth hurt for 5 months. I’m typing this about a week later and it’s nearly pain free. What a back of the net result.
That’s another post completed, so thanks for reading and let’s play this one out with The Candyman and my favourite tribute video with John Candy in that exists on the interwebs…